I found this DBZ Fanfic and I laughed my ass off! Seriously, I almost peed myself.
It's hilarious if you know the DBZ characters and story.
**I did not make this, this is simply a repost to share this awesome rockin literature.
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Vegeta is a god. If you did not know that, you are obviously not a fan of DBZ. Either that or you own a penis and you do not wish to stick it up his ass. Shame on you.
Vegeta rides down upon his magical thundercloud, wielding a large bronze thunderbolt that magically conducts electricity into the worthless sack of jelly that is your body. With a transcendental crown of laurel and a toga that proves how manly and immortal this Saiyan war god is-- strike that. Vegeta is Zeus. He is the moon, the sky, the Earth, the sun, the entire universe.
He pwns you.
Glorify him. Worship him. Brush his hair.
STORY ONE-- SMOOCHY SMOOCHY, KISSY KISSY
"Smooch, smooch, smooch," said Vegeta as he lavished thousands of wet, sloppy kisses that had lots of tongue slipped in there, upon Bulma. "Smooch, I love you, smooch."
Bulma sat up in her lacy bra, the contents spilling out almost indecently if not for the boobie tassles that covered her nipples. The same rosy nipples that Vegeta liked to pinch and pluck and lick. Only this time she urged Vegeta to kiss her mouth first before traveling southward.
"I must make fiery passionate love to you although I'm an alien prince with no background of being a master lover or a virgin," he moaned as Bulma climbed atop the table and began to put the boobie tassels to work.
Vegeta's eyes turned into swirls and watched her fleshy lumps gyrate like clothes spinning in a washing machine. Yamcha was watching in the window, pervert that he was, and hollered, " Yeah, baby! Shake it like it was 794 AD!"
Vegeta promptly Gallic-gunned his ass and tore off Bulma's pasties, giving her his sly smirk™. Feeling masculine and manly in her dainty, pale arms, Vegeta ripped off his pants, smirked™ again for the zillionth time before Bulma smacked his smirking™ face.
"Stop your damn smirking™ and fuck me already!" she demanded, digging her nails into his sinewy flesh.
Vegeta smirked™ again because he wasn't able to contort his facial muscles into an actual smile. He thrust inside of Bulma's hot, wet, tight, bald, polka-dotted pussy several times before they both succumbed to a blissful orgasm that rocked the very foundations of Akira Toriyama's world. Needless to say volcanoes erupted, earthquakes shook Satan City, and Goku rolled over in his grave.
Vegeta pulled his giant dick out of Bulma, which was now flaccid because he put all his sper-ummm inside her so they could all race to see who could attach to an egg first. A shrimpy sper-ummm made it there first, hissing at the others until they went away.
"Mine! Mine! Mine!" the sper-ummm declared vehemently in a high-pitched voice. Eerily similar to Puar's.
Nine months later, Vegeta pulled the pistol out of his sock drawer upon seeing a strand of lavender hair. The funeral was short and everyone had jelly-filled donuts afterwards because everyone is always hungry after a funeral.
STORY TWO-- YAMCHA, THE EVIL VILLAIN GUY OTHERWISE KNOWN AS AN ANTAGONIST
"Bitch!" screamed Yamcha as he slapped Bulma, sending her crashing into the wall.
The impact of the blow crushed her skull, blood poured out from every orifice in her body, yet she began to cry through her unconsciousness. Yamcha kicked her repeatedly in the stomach until she began to bleed there too, and she lay in a mangled heap after Yamcha snapped her neck.
A couple of hours later, Vegeta sauntered into the house, beams of light illuminating his godliness as he saw his blue-haired goddess bent over sobbing in the corner. Blood crusted her face and her body, but Vegeta didn't care. He scooped her up into his arms, kissing away her tears.
"Did that bastard Yamcha do this to you?"
"Yes! Murder him! Cut his freakin' balls off!" Bulma whooped as Vegeta flew out a window despite the glass that splintered. She slipped out of her damsel-in-distress costume and counted the money she would get for Yamcha's deceased ass on two fingers.
He flew and flew and flew until he found the scoundrel sitting in a bar, smoking a joint and inebriated beyond normal human capacity. Vegeta roundhoused Yamcha's ass, then beat him into a bloody mess. Yamcha's head hung on to his body by a thin strip of skin, but then Vegeta tore off his head and threw it at Tien, Yamcha's homosexual lover.
Tien lamented the loss of his boyfriend, but went back home to the mountains and sodomized with Chiaotzu instead.
"I killed him," Vegeta smirked™ as he carried Bulma back into the house and ravished her.
STORY THREE-- UKE VEGETA (more like SAS-UKE VEGETA, amirite?)
"Oh, Kakarot!" moaned Vegeta as the big, sexy beast named Goku pumped himself into Prince Veggie mercilessly, leaving a whole lot of bodily fluids to stain the sheets and the body of his prince.
"So...tight!" Goku groaned.
"Oh, Kakarot!" Vegeta blushed, hiding demurely behind one his gloves.
"NOM NOM NOM, YOU ARE MINE, VEGGIE," Goku growled as he bit into Vegeta's sexy caramel-colored shoulder which tasted more like sweat and not caramel. "NOM NOM NOM NOM."
Blood spattered everywhere much like the unnamed bodily fluids and they both laid there, spent. That is until Goku sported another massive erection and the author of this story doesn't have any clue about priapism.
"Let's have another round, shall we?" Goku said as he crushed Vegeta's lips to his own.
STORY FOUR-- SEME VEGETA
This does not exist. Kakarot's spoon belongs in Vegeta's jellyjar.
STORY FIVE-- THE THREESOME PLEASESOME
"Okay, Kakarot," Vegeta said as he straddled Bulma's hips. "You get behind me, because you're the strongest Saiyan in the entire universe and you probably have more stamina than me."
"Right," Goku agreed as he grabbed Veggie's butt. "Let's get this party started!"
Bulma smirked, but Vegeta smirked™ with his trademark and Bulma frowned. She would have to pay a trip to the patent office, except that the author got all confuzzled and forgot which was a copyright or a trademark. Maybe they were they same thing.
But that doesn't matter though, because the three of them moved like a well-oiled machine. More like a well-sweated machine. Goku's skin slapped against Vegeta, Vegeta's skin slapped against Bulma, and Bulma's skin slapped against the bed.
After they were all done smearing the bed with their bodily fluids, Bulma laid in Vegeta's arms, Vegeta laid in Goku's arms and Goku asked where the cheese was that Vegeta promised him if he would have a threeway with them.
"It's in the fridge, Kakarot."
Goku bounded off to the kitchen upon hearing this.
Miles away, by Mount Paozu, Chi-Chi sat bawling on the recliner, putting in her hair-rollers and smearing facial cream all over her tear-streaked countenance. Goten sat on the floor with Trunks playing kissy-face because Trunks saw "Daddy kissing Kakarot under the mistletoe last night." Gohan was out in Satan City pimping Videl out to various thugs and collecting his money.
Chi-Chi read her yaoi doujinshi and lamented that Bulma always got to be the woman in the threesome. She didn't know why. Chi-Chi had bigger boobs.